


The Obliviator

by JoRaskoph



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Arguing Couple, Attempt at Humor, Canary Cream, Community: HPFT, Danielle Hamilton, Dialogue Challenge, Dialogue-Only, For 'Unwritten Curse's Dialogue Challenge', Gen, George missed out on the 90s, Grimmauld Place 13, Guess who's talking, Humor, Lovely Elderly Lady, Magical Career, Magical Law Enforcement, No Quotation Marks, Pickles on Pizza, Side Effects of the Wizarding World, Ten Years Later, The Potters' Neighbour, Who's there? Your Obliviator., fwp - 'fluff what plot?'/'fluff without plot', next-gen toddlers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-06-05 01:59:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6684685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoRaskoph/pseuds/JoRaskoph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Who’s there?"</p>
<p>"Is this Mrs. Hamilton from number 13 Grimmauld Place?"</p>
<p>"That’s me but who are you?"</p>
<p>"Mrs. Hamilton, I’m your Obliviator, will you let me in please?"</p>
<p>"Who’s there?"</p>
<p>"Your Obliviator, Mrs. Hamilton."</p>
<p>…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Being the next-door neighbor of a living legend does have its disadvantages but in cases where said neighbour is also a wizard it can result in an amazing friendship with your Obliviator … or rather could result in, if only you could remember them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>– written for Unwritten Curse's 'The Dialogue Challenge'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Deer Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mrs. Hamilton is almost sure cars don't fly.

  
  


* * *

C H A P T E R 1 :    **Deer Dinner**  
  
   
  
   
  
Who’s there?  
  
Is this Mrs. Hamilton from number 13 Grimmauld Place?  
  
That’s me but who are you?  
  
Mrs. Hamilton, I’m your Obliviator, will you let me in please?  
  
Who’s there?  
  
Your Obliviator, Mrs. Hamilton.  
  
I’m sorry, I don’t seem to understand. Are you here for the cable?  
  
No, Mrs. Hamilton. I’m here to –  
  
Then are you here to read the meter, maybe?  
  
...  
  
Pardon? Hello?! Are you –  
  
Yes, Mrs. Hamilton, I’m here for the cable.  
  
Oh that’s lovely, do come in!  
  
Thank you, Mrs. Hamilton.  
  
Right through here, let’s sit down in the kitchen. Do you want tea or coffee, darling?  
  
Thank you, Ma’m, but I don’t really have much time, could I just ...?  
  
Nonsense! There is always time for tea. I’ll go set the water to boil. Sit down, sit down dear!  
  
If you insist... Thank you, Mrs. Hamilton. So I have a question –  
  
Oh, do call me Danielle, please.  
  
Okay, Danielle, could you tell me: Did you notice any unusual occurrences recently?  
  
Unusual? No ... no nothing really. Unless you mean the thing in the garden ...?  
  
What happened in your garden?  
  
Well I don’t really know what happened, do I? ... Do you take your tea with milk?  
  
Yes, please, but no sugar. Maybe you can tell me what you think happened?  
  
Sure, sure ... unless ...  
  
Yes, Mrs. Hamilton?  
  
Have I not told you to call me Danielle?  
  
Sorry... Danielle, please, it is really very important that you tell me anything you remember.  
  
Yes, well I think I was outside to hang up the laundry. And then there was this sound, it was loud, like a gunshot. Like they have in those cop shows. I’m not particularly fond of them, but Simon likes them and –  
  
You heard a loud sound and then what happened?  
  
Oh, yes of course. Sorry, dear, sometimes I just get carried away. It’s not easy for an old woman to keep up with young girls like you. I apologise –  
  
It’s fine, Mrs. Hamilton, can you remember what happened after your heard the sound?  
  
I’m not really sure. I turned around, of course, but I must have been dizzy from the heat. Yes, I must have been imagining things ... how else ...  
  
What do you think you saw, Mrs. Hamilton?  
  
Well, it looked like someone had parked on the roof of the shed – the one I use for my gardening tools, you know? – but that couldn’t be true now, can it?  
  
Someone had parked on your shed?  
  
It was on the roof of the shed, you know? But cars don’t fly now, do they? So I must have been imagining it ... Take a biscuit, Love.  
  
Thank you. So this car on the shed, did you per chance take note of the license plate?  
  
License plate? No, I don’t think I remember. I’m really sorry.  
  
No problem Madam. It’s –  
  
You should think I would have remembered, what with Ernie telling me to always write down all the details for the insurance...  
  
It’s really not a problem –  
  
... I was just so distracted by the canary.  
  
The canary?  
  
Yes, yes a canary, a bird. It must have been a canary, I’m sure – it was yellow, and it distracted me when it stepped out of the car.  
  
So the canary had been in the car?  
  
It got out of the car with the boys and one of them clapped on its shoulder. You must be thinking I’m going crazy ...  
  
Oh, no, Mrs. – Danielle –, not at all. You are perfectly sane! Please go on.  
  
There is not much else, I must have blinked for a second because the canary was gone after that. The lad was clapping another boy’s shoulder and the bird was gone. I don’t know where it went ... I must really be losing my mind.  
  
Please don’t worry about it, Danielle! I know you are not crazy.  
  
Then it’s good that at least one of us does.  
  
Once we’re done with the evaluation, you won’t have to worry about it. Can you remember anything about the people who came in the car? You said they were boys?  
  
That’s right, four or five boys, about the age of my Simon.  
  
How old is your son, if I may ask?  
  
He’s thirty now.  
  
So they were grown-ups, not boys? Could you identify them?  
  
I’m afraid not, my dear, my eyes are not as good as they used to be. All I know is two of them had bright orange hair, if that helps?  
  
Yes, that certainly helps, thank you Danielle. Anything else you can tell me?  
  
I heard them talking for a while before they noticed me and I thought I heard them say something about a deer dinner they were going to...  
  
Deer Dinner?  
  
Or was it a deer party, I’m not sure?  
  
A stag night?  
  
Yes! That’s what it was. Then one of them tuned and shouted about being at the wrong house  and they were gone... You are not here for the cable, are you?  
  
No, Mrs. Hamilton. Sorry for lying earlier, I’m in law enforcement ...  
  
Are the lads in trouble?  
  
I don’t think so Danielle, I’m sorry they caused you to worry, but if they are who I think they are, it is very unlikely this offence will be persecuted.  
  
Oh.  
  
It may sound unfair, but they are very well respected in our world and I won’t be able to do anything.  
  
It really doesn’t matter, dear.  
  
But –  
  
No, really, if I learned one thing in my life it is that the things are hardly ever as important as they feel at first.  
  
Okay then, Danielle, thank you for the tea. I should be on my way.  
  
You’re welcome dear. It was nice having someone to talk to.  
  
You were really very helpful. That only leaves one thing to do.  
  
And what would that be?  
  
_Obliviate!_  
  
  
...  
  
...  
  
  
Goodbye and thank you so much for your help! I’m glad the cable is working again.  
  
You’re wellcome Mrs. Hamilton... goodbye.


	2. Hurried Hippogriffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mrs. Hamilton recieves a guest.

  
  


* * *

C H A P T E R   2 :   **Hurried Hippogriffs**

 

  
  
  
  
  
Hey, you’re home.  
  
And so are you.  
  
…  
  
…  
  
I thought we could order pizza, if you want to?  
  
I’m not hungry.  
  
You sure?  
  
…  
  
But how can you resist tomato sauce and cheese? Lots of cheese, and salami, … and pineapple, pickles, mushrooms, … What else?  
  
Can you stop reading me your order, it sounds disgusting! And quite frankly, I don’t care.  
  
Are you angry or something?  
  
…  
  
Because I can totally understand if you are. I probably deserve it too –  
  
You bet you do!  
  
– but how, just _how_ can you dare insult the delicious temptation that is pizza à la _Georgio_?!  
  
Now that’s not even Italian, that’s just … stupid!  
  
I’m really sorry to be telling you this, but that insult was just … lame! I fear you are in desperate need of some Sweet Sass. Or would you prefer my patented Bitter Bite? Beware because it will curl your toes and make your opponents cry. No, that doesn’t sound right, maybe –  
  
Stop it, this is not a joke!  
  
But it could be  – ouch! – … Stop hitting me, woman! Swear I’ll be serious.  
  
…  
  
No, for real this time. Sorry, it’s important to you so it’s important to me, okay?  
  
Okay …  
  
You will have to tell me about it, or I won’t be able to show you what a sweet and caring husband I really am.  
  
I spent my afternoon talking to Mrs. Hamilton who thinks she is going mental because she saw a car land on the roof of her garden shed. Sound familiar?  
  
Aehm … Maybe?  
  
You told me the stag night was cancelled!  
  
Did I really now? I could have sworn I told you Ginny changed her mind … must be getting old.  
  
I think you’re forgetting that _old_ doesn’t mean _stupid_!  
  
I’m really –  
  
Stop making up excuses!  
  
Right, I’m not sorry then. They only changed the plans back yesterday when you were already gone for your shift and I didn’t think to owl you. I still think it was not necessary, but I’m sorry for scaring the old lady.  
  
Well …  
  
Well?  
  
That’s good then. It’s just …  
  
What?  
  
She was just so desperate to have somebody to talk to … so frail and all alone in that huge overstuffed house – it’s full of pictures of her family, but I don’t think any of them ever come to visit …  
  
So you spent your free afternoon chatting to her and now you feel guilty for erasing it?  
  
Hmm.  
  
Come here, my sweet angel.  
  
M’not sweet.  
  
Come here, my fearless warrior woman. You know, I have no clue how you manage to do this every day, but these people are lucky to have you. If I had to have my memory wiped I would definitely ask to have you do it.  
  
They couldn’t ask, because they don’t even know we exist! They get so upset every time and I try to calm them down, but I have to ask all these questions and no matter how hard I try to be gentle, it just upsets them even more …  
  
Exactly what I was saying! Severely underrated, that job of yours.  
  
Don’t think you can sweet-talk your way out of it. This time it was your fault she was upset!  
  
I already said I’m sorry. I’ll think of something, okay?  
  
Okay – Wait, was that the doorbell?  
  
Pizza! My love, finally!!  
  
…  
  
…  
  
…  
  
I can’t believe you flooed the order while we were talking!  
  
Well, I’m a sneaky man full of hidden depths …  
  
More like a hungry man with no shame and a bottomless pitt for a stomach.  
  
What? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you, my ear was already full with this heavenly music of melted cheese and pickles.  
  
Nobody eats pickles on pizza!  
  
Don’t listen to the evil woman, my precious.  
  
You’re a lunatic! Again, why do I put up with you?  
  
'Cause if I’m the king of jesters, you’re the queen of wit!* …‘  
  
Ow, my ears! Stop singing!  
  
Anything for you, my Queen. Now, do you think you can help me find a better tagline for the Bitter Bite?  
  
I really wouldn’t, but I couldn’t let you spring this rubish at innocent children. What was it you said before?  
  
_Beware because it will curl your toes and make your opponents cry._  
  
Oh, that’s gruesome –  
  
Hey!  
  
– then again what else should I expect from a man who still thinks Canary Cream is funny after twelve years?   
  
I will have you know it is still my best-selling product of all time. And Harry found it hilarious!  
  
If you say so. Mmmmh …  
  
_Hey!_ I thought pickles on pizza were disgusting?  
  
They are too.  
  
Then why are you eating mine?  
  
Only because you didn’t order any for me!  
  
You didn’t want any!  
  
Well I want some now.  
  
Woman, you have no idea how much I love you to let you steal my pizza like this.  
  
Maybe I don’t, but maybe it’s just as much as I love you.  
  
Now don’t get all sentimental there, we have a slogan to create!  
  
Fine, let me think …  
  
…  
  
I have an idea! What do you think of this: _Better beware, this is bitter beyond repair. Bitter Bite, hurts haters like a horde of hurried Hippogriffs._  
  
  
  
  
  
_*_  
  
  
  
  
  
Hello? Who is this?  
  
Good morning Mrs. Hamilton. My sister lives next door from you and I thought I’d stop by to introduce myself.  
  
Oh, that’s lovely young man. Come on in!  
  
Thank you.  
  
Right through here, we can sit down in the kitchen and have some tea, if you like?  
  
That would be lovely! My name is George, by the way.  
  
Pleased to meet you, George. You can call me Danielle.

 

 

 

* * *

 

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the wonderful validators of this site who have allowed me to get more chapters posted for the Extravaganza than I would have ever thought possible.   
  
  
*This line is a paraphrase of Billy Talent’s "Rusted from the rain", the original line goes like this: "If I’m the king of cowards you’re the queen of pain"


	3. Chocolatey Chocolate Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Mrs. Hamilton's remote control is not quite broken.

  
  


* * *

C H A P T E R   3 :   **Chocolatey Chocolate Cake**  
  
  
  
  
  
There you are! Evasive little thing... Been looking for you all day. Not on the sideboard, not on the sofa, ...   
  
...  
  
... almost thought I was going round the bend. But, no, not yet. This old lady will stick around for a while still.  
  
...  
  
Out on the deck all night ... I just hope you still work after this little adventure of yours ...  
  
...  
  
There we go.   
  
_I want to kiss you in Paris.*_  
  
Wonderful! We’re lucky this time ... Now let’s get some water, the Asteraceae look frightful today.  
  
_I want to hold your hand in Rome.*_  
  
There you go my darlings. This heat is really rather strenuous for beauties like you and for old ladies like me –  
  
Good morning, Danielle!  
  
Oh hello, George, my dear. Is it Monday again already?  
  
Sure is, old girl. Can we come in?  
  
You know you always can. And who is this sweetheart you have with you today?  
  
This is my nephew James. James, say hi to Danielle.  
  
...  
  
Go on, James, don’t be afraid.  
  
Oh, don’t pressure him! –  
  
I’m not, am I James? It’s just common courtesy!  
  
...  
  
– Don’t worry, little James, I was shy too, when I was little. It’s hard to imagine now, but I was really tiny once.  
  
...  
  
Interesting music you have on, Danielle, – how is it called?  
  
Are you kidding me? You must know Madonna, George!  
  
Not that I know, no sorry ... not my generation, I’m afraid.  
  
If not yours, then whose? You, young man have some serious gaps in your general knowledge. Next thing you tell me you’ve never watched  _Friends_?  
  
...  
  
You know, sometimes I despair with you. And they say my generation is out of touch!  
  
Show me the person who says that about you and I’ll duel them to defend your honour!  
  
True jokester you are ... Now, would you two handsome devils want some tea?  
  
Danielle, it’s bloody 30 degrees – sorry James – are you trying to kill me?!  
  
Watch your language, young man. Tea has always been my favourite drink, the season doesn’t get a say ...  
  
Man, are you bossy today.  
  
Sorry, what did you say? Ears are getting old ...  
  
Nothing, ... nothing!  
  
At least you know what’s good for you.  
  
Sure do, you should get to know my mum ... Beautiful flowers you have there. No, James, don’t eat that!  
  
...  
  
Here, how about you play with your dragon. There you go, great. So, Danielle, how have you been this week?  
  
Now you certainly don’t want to hear about an old woman’s craziness. Have a seat and take your tea.  
  
Danielle, you angel, you made the chocolatey chocolate cake!   
  
Well ... I know it’s your favourite.  
  
And there you almost had me worried, acting as if you did’t know what day it was. You should be ashamed of yourself!  
  
Don’t think so. I’m too old to be ashamed. Now enjoy, you two!   
  
Mmmmh ...  _-mes -ome try -is!_  
  
Don’t talk with your mouth full like that. What will the poor boy learn from you when he finally starts talking?  
  
Sorry Danielle! Come here, James, this is the best cake you have ever tasted.  
  
...  
  
I'm so glad you like it.   
  
...  
  
I’m just going to turn the music off so we can talk properly ... Now, this is better. How is your wonderful wife?  
  
Angelina is fine. She sends best regards, you two should –  
  
_Talk to me, –*_  
  
Huh? Sorry, the remote doesn’t seem to be working right, I forgot it out in the garden yesterday. I’ll just – unplug it! ...   
  
James, no! Don’t –  
  
_– tell me your dreams.*_  
  
Uh? How is this possible? I thought without the power ... You saw how I unplugged it, right?  
  
Yeah, I saw ... Danielle, I think maybe it’s one of those  _wireless_  things? Like  _blue teeth_ , no?  
  
Well, I wouldn’t know a thing about this new technical stuff, but if you say so ...  
  
I’m pretty sure I remember a shop keeper telling me once that the _blue teeth_ can power a speaker without being plugged in ... They don’t have green teeth though ... Some shop that was ...  
  
I'd have to ask Simon, he bought the player and speakers for me. Like I said, I have no idea about these things. With all the new features popping up all the time these days, it’s hard to keep up.  
  
I know, it’s almost like magic, isn’t it?  
  
Yes, it is. Anyways, if you don’t know how to turn it off I’ll have to leave it on for now. I hope that’s okay.  
  
Sure, sure! I don’t mind and look – I think, James likes it.  
  
Oh yes! He’s dancing, how adorable! That means at least one of you has good taste in music ...  
  
Hey, rude!  
  
I’m too old to be rude and besides it’s not rude if it’s true.   
  
I don’t know Danielle, I think I liked you better when I thought you were just this sweet little old lady who likes to bake the most incredibly chocolatey chocolate cake in the world.  
  
Pff, George, can you not take a joke?  
  
...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
George, are you alright?   
  
Hu?   
  
You look so pale all of a sudden.  
  
No, I’m okay ... Just, you know, nobody has said that to me in ten years, not since ...   
  
Ten years? Was that when ...?  
  
Yes, ten years since the- um, since the accident. Ten years and sometimes it still feels like there is this empty space hovering right here. Right next to me ...  
  
...  
  
... I have four brothers, Danielle, one sister, all but one married and there’s like a ton of nieces and nephews. Some would say that’s a lot of family, but sometimes all I can think of is how it’s will never be enough and it’s not fair. It’s not fair to them, because they are here and I should be grateful to have them ... Does it ever change?  
  
No, George, no. The wounds might heal with time, but we are humans not lizards. We can’t regrow what was once a part of us. But being aware of what you are missing doesn’t mean you’re neglecting your other family.   
  
...  
  
You’re here with this little fellow after all! And you said you have other nieces and nephews – does he have other siblings too?   
  
Yeah, he has. He has a brother actually ...  
  
That’s lovely. An older brother?  
  
No, he’s younger actually, eighteen months next week. He’s a true marauder, nothing but mischief in his little head ... I think my sister really didn’t stop running since he’s started to walk.  
  
You know, somehow that sounds familiar!  
  
Haha, I guess you are right. One day he’ll be living up to his uncles’ legacy ... Which reminds me: Me?! You ... Me, not able to take a joke? You know what, Danielle, challenge accepted!

 

 

 

* * *

 

 _*The asterisked lines are from Madonna’s "Justify My Love"._  
  
**This chapter, and the incredibly chocolatey chocolate cake, is a gift to the lovely Paula, who leaves the most wonderful reviews and gives invaluable advice on writing, life and everything.**  
  
Special thanks to Frankie for supplying handsome devils as something Mrs. Hamilton would probably say and to Julie and Tammi for rat racing me to get some actual writing done for this.


End file.
